Funny Tech Support Calls

Will and Guy's - Tech Support Jokes

Best Tech support jokes

We have selected the best ten Tech Support Jokes. They were take by advisors at BT, HP and Dell.

1) Customer: 'My disk ran out of space when trying to save my Word document, so I changed it from double spaced to single spaced and it still wouldn't fit!'
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2) Advisor: 'Press any key to continue.
Customer: I can't find the 'Any' key.
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3) Great Vision
3a) Tech Support: 'Ok, in the bottom left of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'

3b) Advisor: Can you click on 'My Computer'?
Customer: I don't have your computer, just mine.

3c) Advisor: You have Spyware on your machine which is causing the problem.
Customer: Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?

3d) Customer: My family in Australia use BT Softphone, I can see them but they can't see me.
Advisor: What brand is your webcam?
Customer: What's a webcam?
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4) No Saving Grace
Customer: 'All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!'
Tech Support: 'Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?'

Customer: 'No, I don't . I just know it was on my C: drive.'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I'll walk you through how to find the files.'

Customer: 'I wouldn't think I would be losing files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday.'
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5) Tricky Install
Customer: 'Do I need a computer to use your software?'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?'
Customer: 'Yes.'

Tech Support: 'All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?'
Customer: 'How?'

Tech Support: 'Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer.'
Customer: 'Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this'

Tech Support: 'Um yes, that might be an idea.'
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6) Customer: My iPod will only play one song.
Advisor: Which other tracks have you downloaded from iTunes?
Customer: Do I need to download tracks?
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7) Tech Support: 'Have you made backups of your software and data?'
Customer: 'I didn't know it had a reverse.'
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8) Customer: How do I change channel on my monitor?
Advisor: Your monitor won't have channels like a TV.
Customer: But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel.
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9) Customer: My mouse mat isn't wired up.
Advisor: I'm not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn't have any wires.
Customer: Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?

From the Desk of David Pogue
Tech Support Gets a Reprieve While Users Take a Hit

By DAVID POGUE
Published: March 6, 2008

On my blog recently (nytimes.com/pogue), I've been making fun of bad tech-support reps. Actually, not just recently—they've been one of my favorite topics for years.

Deep inside, though, I have a lot of sympathy. By definition, the tech-support job entails talking all day to angry and unhappy people, which surely can't make you feel like skipping home from work. Meanwhile, at most tech-support centers, you have to fulfill an hourly quota of calls processed—so the job is stressful, too. No wonder the burnout rate is so high (and so many of these jobs are moving overseas).

So today, equal time. It's time to place half of the tech-support blame where it belongs: at the feet of Them. The Users.

Several years ago, I had the chance to visit a tech-support call center for one of the big computer companies. The technician gave me a second pair of headphones so I could listen in on his conversations with the hapless users.

I learned so much that day. I learned that all computer companies outsource tech support to dedicated call-center companies. I learned that the Users can be outrageously rude to these hapless tech-support reps, taking out their built-up frustration on somebody who had nothing to do with causing the problem.

And I learned that when they say, "Your call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes," that's only partly true. They also record your calls so they can pass around recordings of the funniest ones.

They actually gave me one of those "Best Of" disks at the end of my day in the call center. Herewith: a few actual calls from that disk or that I heard about from the agents themselves.

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Caller: So, I'm having a problem with my mouse? It's, like, squeaking?

Agent: I'm sorry, did you say squeaking?

Caller: That's right. The faster I move it across the screen, the louder it squeaks.

Agent: I'm sorry—are you pressing your mouse up against the screen?

Caller: Well, sure! There's a message that says, "Click here to continue!"

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Caller: Hey, can you help me? My computer has locked up, and no matter how many times I type eleven, it won't unfreeze.

Agent: What do you mean, "type eleven?"

Caller: The message on my screen says, "Error Type 11!"

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On one call, the caller seemed to be taking an inordinately long time to complete each instruction she was given.

Agent: Ma'am, I can't help noticing that every time I give you an instruction, it takes a really long time before you get back to me. Is your computer that slow?

Caller: Oh, no, it's just the stupid, stupid design of this computer. Every time I want to click something, I have to unplug the keyboard to plug in the mouse. And then every time I want to use the keyboard again, I have to unplug the mouse. Because there's only one jack.

Agent: Ma'am, you do realize that there's a jack on the keyboard itself? You're supposed to plug the mouse into the keyboard, and the keyboard into the computer.

Caller: Are YOU KIDDING ME!? Oh, wait a minute—yes, I see it now! Oh, holy cow. That's going to be so much easier!

Agent: Just out of curiosity, how long have you been using your computer that way?

Caller: Six weeks!

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A Canadian customer was calling to find out if there was a faster way to trigger menu commands than mousing up to the menus.

Agent: Certainly, sir. There are keyboard shortcuts for many of those commands. For example, suppose you want to trigger the Select All command…

Caller: Yes, I use that one all the time! How do I do it?

Agent: Well, you just press Control-A.

Caller (after a pause): Well, that's not working for me.

Agent: Do you have a text document open in front of you?

Caller: Yes, I sure do.

Agent: OK, now press Control-A.

Caller: I am, but nothing happens.

Agent: The text isn't highlighted?

Caller: No, there's no change at all.

Agent: That's odd. If you press Control-A, the whole document should be highlighted. Try it again. Press Control-A. Tell me exactly what's happening.

Caller (nearing his Canadian breaking point): Listen. I'm pressing Control, eh? And nothing's happening, eh?

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So there you have it, folks: a little equal time for the downtrodden reps on the other end of the line.